December 2002

Ah the TKer my favorite aspect of PC gamers. I just want to pose
one question to you. Why the fuck do you insist on joining my team?
Now I understand that you could be a valuable asset… ON THE
OTHER TEAM! But no, you always seem to join my crew. You manage
to shoot down my plane, run into my tank with your "out of
control" jeep, and basically ruin my fun. What the hell is
the point of playing Battlefield 1942 when you are going to constantly
piss everyone off?

I have a few theories to the actual identity of the TKer. One:
You are a foreign kid and has no idea what team they are on (despite
everyone having the same uniform). Two: You are new to video games,
teamwork, computers, air, food, water and other shit. Three: You
are so far beyond stupid that you honestly think you are kicking
some ass. Four: You are a dickhead who gets off to making my life
a living hell! Let me let you in on a little secret. We hate you
guys! Don’t log on to our server, return the game to Wal-Mart and
by some fucking seeds and grow a garden or something else that will
occupy your time. Here’s a tip, all the guys that spawn near you….well
don’t kill them. Kill the guys in a different uniform than you,
its safe, fun and easy, I mean Jesus man you have me convinced that
you TKers are either from Switzerland or Canada (me and Soda have
our eyes on you…).

I just wanted to get that off my chest as it’s been killing me.
As much as I love Battlefield, nothing sucks more than getting your
plane shot down by your own teammate before leaving the fucking
airstrip. If I so much as see this:

Pickle is no more
Jackass is no more
Jackass has killed a teammate

Then rest assured that if I ever meet you on the street, there
will be a fight.

Look, I understand that accidents happen. Sometimes you rain a
bomb from a plane on a stray infantryman in the middle of the enemy
camp and he dies. This is purely accidental. Planting four explosives
in a Def Gun occupied by a teammate is not an accident. Check your
ass at the door and have fun in the ensuing chaos that is sure to
follow…please

Holler back!

First off let me say that I have a love/hate relationship with
RTS games. Had it not been for Soda teaming up with my pathetic
ass I would never win. As a matter of fact, I seem to lack the multitasking
ability for micromanaging my troops and building more units at the
same time. When I heard that Warcraft 3 was going to implement some
role playing elements into the gameplay it made my ears perk.

So the crew goes out and purchases three copies of WC 3 and we
install the bad boy on our boxes. I start to play and I’m really
digging the Hero thing. The idea behind leveling him up is fantastic.
When you finally get some cool ass spells unleashing them is truly
a sight. Well the time has come to play online and BAM! I’m 0-5
in like an hour. Now I know what you are saying, "Pic, what’s
up man do you suck that bad?" No my friends I do not. It’s
just that I seem to attract rushers like flies to crap. I often
wonder what the hell is the point of playing an RPG when you aren’t
given the chance to level up you character. Oh, Oh, and don’t think
I don’t know that if you play a human level 6 you are not a rusher,
cause guess what? He is bringing 6 footmen and a mage with water
elementals in about 2 and half seconds. Point is, if you want to
enjoy an online game please feel free to do the following:

Pickles Guide to Enjoying Online Play

  1. Get a punching bag
  2. Buy a label maker
  3. Buy some frozen chicken
  4. Create the handle of your opponent
    with the label maker (get a cool color one too, they come in black,
    but I find that red labels make for better effects.)
  5. Paste the name of your opponent on
    the punching bag
  6. Wait for the rush…wait…oh it
    will come
  7. Beat the living shit out of the punching
    bag! Accept your loss like a man (while he is taking out your
    remaining buildings, run some good smack)
  8. Bake the chicken with lemon pepper
    sprinkled evenly on it and then serve with a lime for a Hawaiian
    theme (Soda claims that limes make chicken Hawaiian).

That should make for a more enjoyable playing experience. If its
pointers you’re interested in then, email Soda. He seems to be the
only one of us to actually comprehend surviving for more than 5
minutes.

Oh yeah this game rules…go figure.

After years of providing PC gamers with some of the best titles available Blizzard has decided they will attempt to return to their roots and produce a console game. In case you’ve been living in a cave and haven’t heard about it yet the game is StarCraft Ghost. If you’ve never played StarCraft or are unfamiliar with the series I suggest that you pick yourself up a copy, or else leave this site because you are clueless.

It’s been years since Pic and I first got into StarCraft. After all these years I still find myself playing on Bnet from time to time. To put it frankly, this game is fantastic. When WarCraft III was coming out I was hesitant to try it out because of my loyalty to StarCraft. About two years ago I remember saying to people “When is StarCraft II going to come out?” When I first heard rumors that Blizzard was about to make an announcement regarding StarCraft, I was sure that my dreams were about to come to fruition. Then came the news of StarCraft Ghost; which is obviously not StarCraft II.


Meet Nova. The future love obsession of gamers everywhere

This news confused me a little bit. On one hand I’ve been waiting forever for the sequel. On the other hand this sounds like a really cool idea. Blizzard has been good to me though, they have yet to let me down before. So I took some time to think it over and decided that I’d give this game a fair shake before I went on a ten-page rant about how bad I want SC2.

Blizzard is working with Nihilistic on this project and the guy heading up Nihilistic’s part of the game actually used to work for Blizzard on the SC project. This is good news for fans of the StarCraft universe. If they’re not going to give us another RTS the least they can do is respect the integrity of the game. I hear the Nihilistic is actually doing to majority of the programming and artwork on Ghost.

In Ghost you play as a character named Nova who is a specially trained Terran super-soldier called a ghost. The ghost is a character that all SC fans are familiar with. Possibly you remember the ghost from the terrifying moments you heard the words “Nuclear Launch Detected.” From the screenshots and trailer it’s pretty clear that Nova is a bad ass (in the trailer she has a really good butt too). Your character is equipped to the basic rifle that the ghost had in SC the RTS. As in any good action game there is a variety of weapons you can pick up and use, including a weapon similar to the ones Firebats use and a really cool looking melee weapon. You have powers similar to the ones in the RTS as well as some additional ones. Another really cool feature that I read about is at one point during the game you’ll be able to actually pilot a wraith or vulture. Vehicles automatically increase the fun factor in any action game.

Blizzard is claiming that they included almost every character and unit you remember from all three races in the RTS. Although the thought of flying around in a wraith or looking a Hydralisk face-to-face excited me, I kind of felt like this game was going to be a recycled version of Metal Gear and similar action games. When I got deeper into the concept of the game I was really impressed. For those of you who invested countless hours of your life into SC, remember the huge battles that used to take place when two rival armies collided. Now picture yourself as one badass ghost in the heart of that battle. Instead of a “you against the world” scenario Ghost requires you to work with your team. I’m sure that parts of the game will remind you of other action games but overall the concept sounds very original. I don’t know about you, but I’m really looking forward to calling down my first nuclear strike when Ghost releases.


“Does your stomach ever get raw from dragging on the ground all the time?”

Blizzard games have always been known for giving units unique personalities and voices. They have promised us nothing less in Ghost. One example I read said that marines are very social, they will hang out together and even talk smack during battles. Expect a Zealot to behave like you’re used to a Zealot behaving and the same with other units that you remember from the RTS.

Ok. Cool vehicles, social marines, nuclear strikes; I see you working here Blizzard. I’m on board now; I’m feeling a little more comfortable with this sudden change of genres. Then I got around to watching the trailer for this game. I did everyone the favor of putting it up on our site so you can download it easily. Check it out here if you haven’t seen it. Now, after viewing the trailer and knowing what I know about the game let me give you my feelings. Holy crap! If the game lives up to half the hype of that trailer it’s going to be one of the best games of 2003.

I was disappointed to find out that Blizzard isn’t really sure if they are going to include any type of online play in Ghost. Multiplayer is one of the things that made Blizzard games in the past so much fun. Hopefully they’ll get this settled before the release date. I think it would really be cool to have massive capture the flag games going, vehicles included. The popularity of games like Halo might help convince them. Also it’s not clear if they plan on including a co-op mode. I am always a big fan of co-op modes.

Ghost is going to be console only, sorry PC gamers. Early indications are that it is going to be available for GameCube, PS2 and the Xbox. My first impression is that the Xbox is going to be your best bet for this game. It seems to be the system best suited to handle this type of games.


Nova whoopin’ up on some zergling.

All in all I can’t wait to get my paws on this game. Seldom do I get this excited about a game after just watching the trailer. I look forward to Blizzard’s triumphant return to the console world and yet another bestseller. Unfortunately I’m still not getting the SC2 that I’ve been waiting so patiently for. Everyone write Blizzard a letter. Support your local RTS player.

Xbox Live

December 4, 2002

OK so as most of you beautiful people who inhabit this great earth
should know that xbox LIVE has stormed Gods country "America".
And yes some of you have already spent sleepless nights staring
into the radiance of your television while talking mad smack to
many as you destroy them, or (like me) getting destroyed! I had
the privilege of purchasing one of very few xbox starter kits that
were left in the store before some booger-eating fourth grade spoiled
brat begged his dear ‘ol Mommy to buy it for him. And yes since
I am the only one outside the magnificent three (Pickle, Soda, and
Snowcone) that has played on LIVE, then I am entitled to say absolutely
anything about this damn thing. I really couldn’t buy all the games
that were supported for LIVE…I think its pretty communist that
they only released a very small variety of games, and on top of
that they didn’t freaking make Halo supported on LIVE. Let me tell
you that setting up the LIVE system could be a breeze, or can be
like a Mexican trying to learn Japanese geometry.

Once you’re on, its pretty easy going to through the setup. You
can be real creative by coming up with a gamer handle, I’ve seen
handles ranging from PimpCock to FreginLazer. I myself like to stay
conservative and use the same one I’ve been using forever. Moving
on, you obviously want the full effect of LIVE so make sure you
purchase a game that is LIVE supported. I had to settle with Unreal
Championship. It was the only game that was close to satisfying
my Halo craving to playing online. The headset is ok…it has a
volume control and also a mute button. You also have the option
of disguising your voice in several different masks, some are annoying
and some are just ok. I suggest NOT using them. You would expect
every person playing would talk mad trash, but you are sorely mistaken.
PEOPLE ITS A HEADSET…TALK…I CAN’T SEE YOU…I AM NOT THERE TO
KICK YOUR ASS SO TALK AS MUCH CRAP AS YOU WANT!!! Ok moving on!!!
Let me tell you that this game just gets way out of hand when your
on LIVE. Its just freaking insane, its like playing "Quake"
while consuming insane quantities of speed, coke, and any other
drug you freaking insane kids do. I mean it’s insane, I mean really,
its just way to fast and you have no clue what the hell is going
on. Of course there are those players who will dominate the channel
that you are in for hours for some ungodly reason.

Other than that if you want a quick taste of the xbox LIVE, I suggest
you get into it now. Rent a few games that are supported before
buying some. That way you know which poison to pick. Next on my
list; Ghost Recon, and Mech Assault. I am here to tell all to not
waste time! Donate blood, plasma, sperm…sell your old games, movies,
little brother or sister, whatever! Just get LIVE. Its great!

In case you have been living under a rock for the past couple of years you know who Harry Potter is. Yes that crazy little “limey” is at it again. While I will admit that I never saw myself becoming a fan, I was immediately drawn into the craze after watching the first movie. While I knew it might be entertaining I had no idea that it would be a great movie through and through. Anyways, this isn’t a movie review today; it’s about the game Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets for the Cube.

If you have seen the movie you will notice similarities right off the bat. I will however warn you right away don’t go into the game expecting an exact translation from the movie. The game obviously has to add a bit more things to do, so you could…I don’t know actually play it. The overall story line is in tact but you will be stuck doing things not shown in the movie, so chill.

Gameplay is great, although like all 3d games the “camera demon” shows up and sometimes screws you over when something is attacking you. Also you must have patience, and patience like a mad man. Like most games of this genre you will have to run…everywhere! I guess British folk are fit ’cause this kid sprints like Michael Johnson. Now if they would only brush their teeth…blimey! While at Hogwart’s you will be asked to find the necessary tools or items for some cool new spells, so be prepared to die a lot; ’cause Hogwarts is like a friggin death trap, I mean is this a school or what? Some of the stuff you will run into is just ridiculous so don’t wander off where you are not supposed to because that’s how kids die…trust me.

Presentation of the game is where it’s at. The characters are all voiced, so if you’re like Soda and can’t read, you’re still game. The graphics are sweet too; there are lighting effects all over the place. So if you are into this kind of technical stuff, you will get your jollies off.

This game is fresh as it stands even without the Potter license; you should have a great time playing it. Again, only the adventure “Zelda” type gamers will enjoy the game. So don’t waste your time if you have no patience or don’t like Harry Potter, or British accents. I recommend picking this bad boy up. I’d say it’s a buy, but if you’re into rentals then check it before trading shit in.

Holler back tell me what you think. Lord of the Rings comes out in two weeks!