Soda Fizz - Volume II

Since I got my Xbox pretty much every waking hour has been spent playing Halo online. For those of you who don't know, yes you can play Halo online. Just go to GameSpy and download the arcade software. I was surprised at how many people I met who played Halo but had no knowledge of this. I am a capture the flag freak and I usually don't play anything other than that. My roommate and two other guys from down the hall have been playing Halo with me, almost religiously.

Once we started playing we learned very quickly that we're not very good. Quite frankly, we suck. Everyone on GameSpy for some reason feels the need to tell us that we suck, as if you whipping our ass didn't clue us into this earlier. The worst part about having all this shit talked towards us is that I know that it's just a bunch of twelve year old punks who don't do anything but sit around and play this game all the damn time. I swear to god, next time I see a twelve year old I'm gonna kick his ass just out of hatred for all you Halo shit talker's.

After about eight straight hours playing on Saturday we were exhausted. It was close to four in the morning and we had run into every spawn camper, sniper bitch and rocket whore known to man that day. At one point I got so frustrated that I threw a book at my desk and broke one of the little legs off of my keyboard. After dropping every explicative known to man on these little shits that kept kicking our ass I was pretty much ready to give up.

It was at this point that my roommate, FemiNazi, came up with the idea to just start messing with people. The original idea was for us four to get into a capture the flag game and just go hide from them in the mountains and never shoot at them for the entire game and make the other team wonder what the hell was going on. Unfortunately it was four am by this point and we couldn't find anyone playing CTF.

Just about when we were about to give up I found a game called "2 vs. whatever TS. You can't beat us, we'll kick your ass." This game was perfect. "TS" stands for team slayer for you non-Halo players. We get in the channel and start running shit about how we're gonna kick their asses and get them all worked up. Then they start the game.

The first thing we did is find a spot under some stairs and all four of us crammed ourselves in there so no one could find us. The two guys on the other team spent about 15 minutes looking for us while we were cracking up the whole damn time. We were delirious by now so this was gut wrenching rolling on the floor laughing.

The guy finally finds us and clubs us all to death with a rocket launcher. We're still laughing. Then he sends me a message that says, "You guys fucking suck." This had a throwing gasoline on fire effect to us because we're all highly amused. So we decide to start chasing each other around and kill each other. It was freaking hilarious. The other team would see one of us run around a corner and then another one of us right on their tail, assault rifle ablaze. He would than proceed to blast both of us with a rocket launcher and we would laugh twice as hard.

I think the final score ending up being 50 to negative 26. I got a message from one the little shits on the other team at the end of the game that just said "Why?" I think we taught them a lesson. The moral of the story is this, if you're a punk ass kid who's really good at some fucking video game, shut your damn hole and maybe you'll actually get to have sex with a real live woman one day. Soda out.

Mar 24, 2003 - 12:00 am | 2 comments
Shane Quast