Destroy All Humans

July 16, 2005

[floatleft][/floatleft]If there is one thing that is a constant source of irritation and annoyance in my life, it’s people. There is just something about humanity in general that really gets under my skin. I can’t say how many times I’ve told people (ones who I have deemed worthy to associate with) that I think we should let natural selection have its way with the world. Forget warning labels and traffic lights; just let people fight their way through existence. And what is more natural than aliens coming down to Earth and destroying all humans? Nothing in my book; not one thing.

The premise of [i]Destroy All Humans[/i], the latest from Pandemic, is to come to Earth and, well, destroy all humans. There is a backstory, of course: your name is Crypto137, a Furon clone-alien that is working for Pox, an alien scientist of sorts. Your job is to go and collect DNA from people on Earth so that your alien nation can perfect its clones, which are getting stupider by the minute. It turns out that a long time ago a rouge Furon alien came to Earth and, um, reproduced with an Earthling. Thus, deep down in all of us is some alien DNA. You are unleashed on Earth with the ability to throw cows, read minds, and naturally, anal probe the locals. The game is set in the 1950’s stereotypical sci-fi B-movie towns, where ignorance runs rampant and communism is on people’s minds. The people think the most interesting thoughts that produced many a chuckle while I was playing the game. To break it down, you have missions that you must complete, and once completed, you have free reign of the level to collect extra DNA and complete mini missions. You can use DNA to purchase upgrades on the mother ship for yourself or for your flying saucer.

[floatright][/floatright]There are a myriad of weapons and tactics used to navigate each level. As you move about, your ultimate goal is to remain unnoticed. There is a panic-level meter that you should pay close attention to, as the higher it gets, the more law enforcement and, eventually, military you have to deal with. Oh yeah, there is a little wrench thrown into the works when Crypto finds out about the Majestic, a government agency that is out to capture Furon technology and use it for their own devices. Most of the time, you have to walk around in human form, taking form of the first human you scan. To stay concentrated, you must scan other humans’ minds and, like I said, this is when you hear the most peculiar thoughts. Also a source of amusement is the dialogue between Crypto and Pox. For some, the game might seem a little redundant, but for me personally, I never grew tired of running around causing mayhem. At many points during the game, you have to enter your saucer to fight off or destroy an attack of large scale. I enjoyed this aspect of the game. It reminded me of the saucers in Tim Burton’s [i]Mars Attacks![/i] Again, there was just some sort of satisfaction in blowing buildings, people, and tanks to smithereens with an alien deathray.

The controls in the game were picked up very quickly, and running around as Crypto was pretty basic. There are a few things that I think really make the game stand out: the authentic B-movie alien soundtrack and also the B-movie worlds in which you move about. Humor moves the game along, and there is never a dull moment. The humor helps take your mind off the fact that you are basically doing the same thing over and over again. That is one drawback to this game. There is not much variety in the gameplay. But when you think of a game that everyone loves, like [i]Halo[/i], there is no variety in gameplay there either. Another drawback is that the game is a relatively short one. I just wish that there could have been more of humanity to destroy.

[floatleft][/floatleft]Overall, I would recommend this game to people because it seems at this point in time there just isn’t much around that provides a new, fresh, fun concept. Though most people like mankind more than I do, there isn’t one person out there who won’t enjoy trying to destroy all humans. This game is good for a laugh, easy to master, and fun even a mindless clone would enjoy.

I recommend [i]Destroy All Humans[/i] to invade all consoles at least once.

Score: 5/5

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