Sour Journalism: Sam, The After Math

April 10, 2003

Many times does life take a turn for the worse. The King’s reign
ends, and yet the King knows it not. Frailty in one’s heart turns
to bitterness. What a wicked web we weave indeed. So the story of
Sam Fisher, former NSA Agent, now a blue collar man making his way
through this dog eat dog world of ours.

I have learnt through my sources as Snackbar Investigative Reporter
that our hero has fallen indeed. He was a super spy and now he is
but a super exterminator. Sam Fisher is now the CEO and President,
and sole employee, of Sam’s Super Extermination. A local “Critter
Killer” if you will. It seems as though he has lost all will
to save the world from terrorism, but only save the backyards of
trailer parks from vermin.

Here is the transcript of my exclusive interview with Sam Fisher.

Pic: Sam, Sam? May I have a word with you?

Sam: Who the hell are you?

Pic: My name is Pickle; I’ve spoken with some people and
located you…you are a hard man to find…especially in the

Sam: So I have been told.

Pic: Sam answer me this…why are you doing this…why
are you…a vermin exterminator?

Sam: So the cat’s out the bag huh?

Pic: Yes Sam it is…explain how did this happen?

Sam: Well as you know I like to work at night. I have a
family to support you know, and the damned NSA was always risking
my ass to piece together information about this and that. I mean
what kind of job security is it when they send you into a base full
of enemies, or hell the CIA Headquarters!

Pic: I can understand your pain Sam really, I feel for you.

Sam: Shaddup.

Pic: Yes sir…but what exactly do you do?

Sam: Well I get the call, for instance at the moment I have
a 312.

Pic: 312?

Sam: Yeah, a raccoon infestation, over behind the trailer.

Pic: I see…so what are you going to do.

Sam: Well I am going to sneak up on the little bastards
then knock them out…that seems to work most of the time.

Pic: That’s dammed brilliant. One question…can’t raccoons
see in the dark?


Sam: Then I fill them full of lead. I got this here silencer.

Pic: Can’t argue with that, well good luck Sam. I wish the
best for you and your new business.

Sam: Thanks, tell yer friends about it. That’s Sam’s Super
Extermination; look us up in the phone book!

Pic: You heard it here folks, the man is happy he is doing
what it is he does best. I for one wish him the best of luck.

How the mighty have fallen. So it seems some people are satisfied
killing critters as opposed to terrorists. Well this is one reporter

that won’t give up on the War on Terrorism so easily. I say suit
me up Johnny; let’s do this for the Red, White, and Blue.