To My Pal. A Tribute to the TKer

December 5, 2002

Ah the TKer my favorite aspect of PC gamers. I just want to pose
one question to you. Why the fuck do you insist on joining my team?
Now I understand that you could be a valuable asset… ON THE
OTHER TEAM! But no, you always seem to join my crew. You manage
to shoot down my plane, run into my tank with your "out of
control" jeep, and basically ruin my fun. What the hell is
the point of playing Battlefield 1942 when you are going to constantly
piss everyone off?

I have a few theories to the actual identity of the TKer. One:
You are a foreign kid and has no idea what team they are on (despite
everyone having the same uniform). Two: You are new to video games,
teamwork, computers, air, food, water and other shit. Three: You
are so far beyond stupid that you honestly think you are kicking
some ass. Four: You are a dickhead who gets off to making my life
a living hell! Let me let you in on a little secret. We hate you
guys! Don’t log on to our server, return the game to Wal-Mart and
by some fucking seeds and grow a garden or something else that will
occupy your time. Here’s a tip, all the guys that spawn near you….well
don’t kill them. Kill the guys in a different uniform than you,
its safe, fun and easy, I mean Jesus man you have me convinced that
you TKers are either from Switzerland or Canada (me and Soda have
our eyes on you…).

I just wanted to get that off my chest as it’s been killing me.
As much as I love Battlefield, nothing sucks more than getting your
plane shot down by your own teammate before leaving the fucking
airstrip. If I so much as see this:

Pickle is no more
Jackass is no more
Jackass has killed a teammate

Then rest assured that if I ever meet you on the street, there
will be a fight.

Look, I understand that accidents happen. Sometimes you rain a
bomb from a plane on a stray infantryman in the middle of the enemy
camp and he dies. This is purely accidental. Planting four explosives
in a Def Gun occupied by a teammate is not an accident. Check your
ass at the door and have fun in the ensuing chaos that is sure to

Holler back!